Mr Unavailable - A guide to avoiding emotionally, physically and spiritually unavailable men

Update! This blog is no longer being updated so please go to Baggage Reclaim!

Even though this blog still gets a lot of visitors, you may have noticed that I haven't updated for a while as I have been expanding Baggage Reclaim.

I have taken the decision to leave this blog up as there are a lot of comments but I will be finding a way to merge it into the main blog Baggage Reclaim. It is now update every weekday and there have been LOTs of posts about Mr Unavailable's as well as a Thirty Days of Drama Reduction series.

You can also find out more information about the ebook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl.

Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl Ebook Available To Buy

 

*** Thanks for visiting my blog. If you would like to find out more information on emotional unavailability, please go to Baggage Reclaim where the Mr Unavailable Guide has now moved to.***

For a dedicated guide to emotional unavailability check out my ebook Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl

Just over two and a half years ago I stumbled across the realisation that not only did I love Mr Unavailable's (emotionally unavailable men) but that I was a commitment-phobe that was sabotaging all of my relationships, unbeknowst to me. I started sharing my insights here and at Baggage Reclaim , and I am still astounded by the number of women that are just like me.

Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl Part One is finally ready to buy. It's my guide to emotionally unavailable men and the women that love them. I am empowering women to get smart about their faux relationships with these men and gain real positive change so that they can find personal happiness, which in turn, will lead to better relationship opportunities. This is not about trying to change him (most of us have realised that it's nigh on impossible) and instead find out how and why Mr Unavailable behaves as he does so that you know how to read the signs and get the hell out. 

This is the start of embarking on path of building your self esteem so that you can get happy and open yourself up to the prospect of a healthy relationship. Find out the types of situations that you can be drawn into by these men, get a list of his many signs of emotional unavailability, learn about how he manages down your expectations with The Status Quo through blowing hot and cold and how these men pull the whole 'This one time in bandcamp' thing where they trot out the same lame excuses so that  we feel sympathetic to their 'plight' and don't ask for too much. Discover how Mr Unavailable relegates you to 'accidental' booty calls or friends with benefits and why the relationship with this man is doomed. This is just the beginning...
It is £5 which is roughly $9.83 although it will tell you when you go through to checkout!

Mr Unavailable Book Update

Well it's taken longer than I thought I would but I am in the final stretch and will be announcing how to buy it etc at the end of this month. The subject of emotional unavailability turned out to be an even bigger subject and I'm very excited about having all the info together in one book.

If you would like to contribute a comment or story, please email me.

It's coming soon! I can't believe it and thanks to everyone who continues to visit this site and Baggage Reclaim!

Advice: Does tragedy or trauma attract emotionally unavailable men?

*** Thanks for visiting my blog. If you would like to find out more information on emotional unavailability, please go to Baggage Reclaim where the Mr Unavailable Guide has now moved to.***

Traci asks "I feel like I fell for an emotionally unavailable guy mostly because I was dealing with a tragedy and was more vulnerable than usual. I attached myself to someone I had only begun dating who ended up being an emotional unavailable guy (I got one good cry on the shoulder experience and then very little after that). Does this play a role in my willingness to accept the crumbs he gave (mostly in the form of the occasional text message, visit and sex session)? Was my EUM experience prompted out of desperation for a false sense of security and comfort during a very isolated, lonely time? I always knew that his behavior and his circumstances made him unacceptable for boyfriend material but yet I held onto him just because I don't know- he was there? Maybe its an excuse, but because I've ended things with him and had never been in an emotionally unavailable man situation before I'm more apt to think it was just an exceptional case and not a routine or indication of something deeper in terms of my outlook on men, love and relationships.  I am being extra aware thorough and assessing my own traits and patterns now.   I know that I'm not ready to look for love again and I need to re-gain my sense of self that I was before the EUM and before this tragic situation.  Until then, I know it’s not fair to place unrealistic expectations on anyone I would meet in the near future.  FYI: The tragedy was not of a romantic nature; I was dealing with a turbulent family situation that left me in shambles."

Read my response over at Baggage Reclaim

For a dedicated guide to emotional unavailability check out my ebook Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl

Vote for Baggage Reclaim!

*** Thanks for visiting my blog. If you would like to find out more information on emotional unavailability, please go to Baggage Reclaim where the Mr Unavailable Guide has now moved to.***

For a dedicated guide to emotional unavailability check out my ebook Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl

Hi Ladies,

I have just found out by accident that the sister blog to this one, Baggage Reclaim has been shortlisted for best UK blog in The 2007 Weblog Awards! Thank you to those that nominated - now I need you all to vote, vote, each day till November 8th! I haven't got much time and I have to make up for a hell of a lot of lost ground!

Vote, vote, vote!
Thanks NML

What's Happening

*** Thanks for visiting my blog. If you would like to find out more information on emotional unavailability, please go to Baggage Reclaim where the Mr Unavailable Guide has now moved to.***

For a dedicated guide to emotional unavailability check out my ebook Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl

The book is progressing and whilst I'm not putting new posts on this blog, there's still plenty happening on its sister sites.

Over at Baggage Reclaim...
The No Contact Rule
When He's Bad in Bed
Women Who Don't Leave
When Your Ex Starts Dating First
So You're Ready to Live Together
Getting on The Path to Self Love
Does Emotionally Unavailable Equal He's Not That Into You?
Real Life: I married a Serial Cheater
The 2007 A-Z of Men
Saying I Love You First

Also check out my personal blog Tired of Men and other things that drive a twenty-something round the twist, plus I talk about babies and baby products now at When a Womans Up The Duff and Bambino Goodies.

What's Happening

*** Thanks for visiting my blog. If you would like to find out more information on emotional unavailability, please go to Baggage Reclaim where the Mr Unavailable Guide has now moved to.***

For a dedicated guide to emotional unavailability check out my ebook Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl

As you may know, The Mr Unavailable Guide is not active at the moment as I have decided to put all of the information together for a book and ebook. The main blog, Baggage Reclaim is still active, so please check in for posts. Here's what's been happening recently:

When You're Not His Type, But He's Still With YOU
Does The Perfect Man Exist
The Lazy Break Up Via Text, Email and IM
How To Attract An Emotionally Unvailable Man
When You're Accused of Cheating
Having Standards
Coping With Past Relaitonships
Talking Dirty to Your Man (The Starter Edition)
Conscious Relationships

I also still update my personal blog Tired of Men and other things that drive a 20 something round the twist

The Mr Unavailable Guide - A Book On the Way

*** Thanks for visiting my blog. If you would like to find out more information on emotional unavailability, please go to Baggage Reclaim where the Mr Unavailable Guide has now moved to.***

For a dedicated guide to emotional unavailability check out my ebook Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl

Many thanks to the many readers of this site and all of those that comment and send emails. I am genuinely shocked at the response that talking about emotionally unavailable men has elicited. When I first realised that I had been afflicted with...oh ok, I had put myself through the experience of it over and over again!, I thought it was just myself and good friend, blogmate New York Moments. I used to think that emotionally unavailable men and all of the other goons I dated were a stroke of bad luck till I realised what a destructive hand in my own fate I was having.

There is a lot more to be said about emotionally unavailable men and whilst the blog has its purpose, there's a lot more to be learnt if you can get all of the information in one go and move on from this disastrous pattern as quickly as possible. I'd rather people took a lot less time than I did to learn the error of their ways!

So I've decided to write up everything I know about the phenomenon of emotionally unavailable men, why women do it, why guys do it (not that we should care too much) and most importantly, how to break the pattern and move on. For good. Remember that the only way we stop drawing in emotionally unavailable men is to be become unattractive to them and this can only be done by healing the issues that have created this pattern.

Now considering that I am popping out a baby mid May (let's hope it doesn't arrive early), the plan is to publish the book which I will do through Lulu (the joys of the internet that help you to self publish!) I will keep readers updated through the blog and via the email newsletter and I will be gathering reader stories and feedback (all to be used anonymously) so look out for prompts.

To express an interest in being notified on when the book is available, I am setting up a mailing list which will be in the sidebar.

Stay strong and as usual, I am available on email for anyone who has questions or needs advice. I do sometimes take a few days to reply but you will get one! In the meantime, for posts on dating, relationships, sex and of course, man taming, please go to Baggage Reclaim.

Thanks again for all of the support! Take care, NML

My new eBook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl is now available to buy as an instant download. Find out more.

Achy Breaky Hearts

*** Thanks for visiting my blog. If you would like to find out more information on emotional unavailability, please go to Baggage Reclaim where the Mr Unavailable Guide has now moved to.***

For a dedicated guide to emotional unavailability check out my ebook Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl

When I come across women who love emotionally unavailable men (including myself who is a recovering addict), I always ask: Where the hell did we all go wrong?

A common thread with a lot of us is that at some point our heart took a pounding. Most of us have a tale of a man who let us down, broke our trust, put us through the wringer, stomped all over heart and left us irrevocably (or so it seems) scarred forever.

I've heard tales of 'first' loves who in our teenage years took the innocence and trust from us and gave us a cracked view of what should determine a relationship. For most people, the first time we fall in love (or think we have) is our bravest because we have no prior experience of heartbreak unless we have some sort of life lesson learnt from experiences with a parental figure.

When we have been hurt, we rallied and railed against the pain and eventually we have moved on, or have we? For every woman that loves an emotionally unavailable man, you can be very certain that there is unresolved residue from a critical heartbreak experience. Think back and there is that moment when everything changed forever and your attitude about love and who you were choosing to be with changed forever. We stopped trusting, we stopped believing in love coming from a good decent man who is available and stopped believing in ourselves. We think we're protecting ourselves from being vulnerable but we are just putting ourselves in line for more and more hurt.

Breaking Up With and Getting Over a Married Man/Attached Man

*** Thanks for visiting my blog. If you would like to find out more information on emotional unavailability, please go to Baggage Reclaim where the Mr Unavailable Guide has now moved to.***

For a dedicated guide to emotional unavailability check out my ebook Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl

When you're The Other Woman, it will often feel like incredible highs and lows, and at some point, you should and probably will become sick of being in the situation and want to end it with the guy. Like any break up though, breaking up is hard to do unless something so awful happens that it galvanises you. There are a hell of a lot of women in this situation that are readers of this site, and the most common issue is how the hell can they move on? Here I hope that I can help to put any woman who is in this situation on the road to healthier happiness. But first, think about this point first?

Is this a half hearted cry for attention from him which you hope will force his hand into making the decision to be with you? If so, be careful as this is probably still unlikely to happen and if it means you end up staying with him, you're wasting your own time. Otherise....

1. Be firm and strong.

Be resolute about your decision and immovable. If you really do want to break up with him and you are sick of the situation, he shouldn't be able to wheedle his way around you. One of the strengths of the guy in this relationship is that he has the power to get around you. This time he can't.

2. Make it about YOU, not HIM.

If you put the focus of the break up on him, he can make excuses that he means at the time but probably don't hold up after the event and he'll make promises that he means at the time but is also unlikely to keep. Yes, you are breaking up because he can't give you what you need, want and deserve, however, you're also breaking up with him because YOU are better than this.

3. Remind yourself that he is throwing you the crumbs of his time and his emotions.

Yes you may be conditioned to think that the crumbs are enough for you, but the reality is that a healthy relationship with a man that is only with you and puts you at the centre of his life, feels far different to the flimsy 'relationship' that you're in now.