Traci asks "I feel like I fell for an emotionally unavailable guy mostly because I was dealing with a tragedy and was more vulnerable than usual. I attached myself to someone I had only begun dating who ended up being an emotional unavailable guy (I got one good cry on the shoulder experience and then very little after that). Does this play a role in my willingness to accept the crumbs he gave (mostly in the form of the occasional text message, visit and sex session)? Was my EUM experience prompted out of desperation for a false sense of security and comfort during a very isolated, lonely time? I always knew that his behavior and his circumstances made him unacceptable for boyfriend material but yet I held onto him just because I don't know- he was there? Maybe its an excuse, but because I've ended things with him and had never been in an emotionally unavailable man situation before I'm more apt to think it was just an exceptional case and not a routine or indication of something deeper in terms of my outlook on men, love and relationships. I am being extra aware thorough and assessing my own traits and patterns now. I know that I'm not ready to look for love again and I need to re-gain my sense of self that I was before the EUM and before this tragic situation. Until then, I know it’s not fair to place unrealistic expectations on anyone I would meet in the near future. FYI: The tragedy was not of a romantic nature; I was dealing with a turbulent family situation that left me in shambles."
Read my response over at Baggage Reclaim
For a dedicated guide to emotional unavailability check out my ebook Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl
I would say so, the same thing happened to me. I got sucked in because I was so hungry and my defenses were weak.
At least I saw it fairly soon and got out, but I am afraid I made quite a fool of myself because I was so off balance. I warned him and begged for gentleness but he could only be himself.
Posted by: janeva | 16/02/2011 at 06:52 AM