Over at The Mr Unavailable Guide's sister site Baggage Reclaim, there have been a lot of questions from readers about coping with real life situations with their Mr Unavailable/EUM.
Advice: Why is he having sex with me if he doesn't want me and knows how I feel about him?
"I met a man who is the cousin of a good friend in June of 2007 and have been on an emotional rollercoaster ever since. I have totally fallen for him to the point of obsessing.
In the beginning, he was so attentive and sweet; shortly after the relationship became sexual, he changed, although he kept on saying the 'right' things; "I'm tired of being a boy toy, I want to be in a commited relationship, I'm tired of being single; I'm tired of 'playing games".
From the outset of us meeting, he mentioned his ex-girlfriend, who also happens to be the mother of his first child. (He has two children by two different women.) He told me that he has been single for nine years; that is when he and his ex-girlfriend broke up. As I got to know him more, I noticed that whenever he would drink (he also has a drinking problem), he would always mention his ex. He says that she kicked him out of the apartment, (he had been cheating on her), and when she broke up with him, she broke his heart and he hasn't been the same since.
Read the rest of this post
Advice: Does polygamy work, because I love three women?
"I'm a 35 year-old journalist from Brazil and I've been dating a 22
year-old girl for three years now (she was 18 when we met). To make a
long story short: after six months of dating, she stopped having sex
with me. She says she hates her body (she is a little bit overweight,
but I never minded that.) But I sayed with her and was faithful to her
for two years, because I loved her.
Then she left me, claiming she was too young when she met me and she
had to live and have experiences and so forth. We spent six months
apart. During this period I dated two girls, and we hit it off pretty
well, but when my ex wrote asking me to take her back, I took her back.
I stopped seeing the other two girls and I tried to forget them.
But here's the thing, I can't forget them. After I went back to my
girlfriend I realised I was in love with the other two girls - as well
as with my girlfriend. I know this sounds ludicrous, like a man who
doesn't know what love is, but I know I love the three of them. And the
other two girls wrote to me to say they can't forget me, that they want
me back.
Read the rest of this post
Advice: How do I let go of my Mr Unavailable?
Ashley broke away from her Mr Unavailable a few months ago and
started to date again, however she has found that she has been really
missing him whilst she is on dates and thinking about past
relationships where there was "real chemistry, attraction and fun".
Her Mr Unavailable works in the same company, has two kids (16 and
18) and used to tell her that he loved her but that he didn't want to
waste her time because he knew that she wanted more than he could give.
He was telling her all of this whilst he was still contacting his ex
girlfriend and he sent text messages to the ex the week after he broke
up with Ashley also claiming that he loved her too.
Recently she went to the bar where she knows he hangs (he tends to
hang out in the bar, alone, texting and emailing…) and he was happy to
see her. The attraction was still strong between them and for the last
half hour they were holding hands.
"I did tell him I missed him. He said "How could you miss me after
how I treated you?" I said it was complicated and at the end of the day
I clarified that what I missed were the good times. I was hoping that
maybe he missed me enough to think that having a healthy, real
relationship with me might not be so bad. But - he still is not
interested in it.
Read the rest of this post.
Traci asks "I feel like I fell for an emotionally unavailable guy mostly because I was dealing with a tragedy and was more vulnerable than usual. I attached myself to someone I had only begun dating who ended up being an emotional unavailable guy (I got one good cry on the shoulder experience and then very little after that).
Does this play a role in my willingness to accept the crumbs he gave (mostly in the form of the occasional text message, visit and sex session)?
Was my EUM experience prompted out of desperation for a false sense of security and comfort during a very isolated, lonely time? I always knew that his behavior and his circumstances made him unacceptable for boyfriend material but yet I held onto him just because I don't know- he was there? Maybe its an excuse, but because I've ended things with him and had never been in an emotionally unavailable man situation before I'm more apt to think it was just an exceptional case and not a routine or indication of something deeper in terms of my outlook on men, love and relationships. I am being extra aware thorough and assessing my own traits and patterns now. I know that I'm not ready to look for love again and I need to re-gain my sense of self that I was before the EUM and before this tragic situation. Until then, I know it’s not fair to place unrealistic expectations on anyone I would meet in the near future. FYI: The tragedy was not of a romantic nature; I was dealing with a turbulent family situation that left me in shambles."
