Mr Unavailable - A guide to avoiding emotionally, physically and spiritually unavailable men

Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl Part One Launching and Competition

It gives me great pleasure to announce that this Thursday I will be launching my first ever ebook! I know that it has taken much longer than I anticipated but I have taken the decision to publish the book as an ebook trilogy in order to stop the wait! Thank you to all of you have been patient and the hundreds who registered by email!

What is it about? Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl is my guide to emotionally unavailable men and the women that love them. I am empowering women to get smart about their faux relationships with these men and gain real positive change so that they can find personal happiness, which in turn, will lead to better relationship opportunities. Book One focuses on helping you understand who Mr Unavailable is, how he operates, what makes him tick, the types of situations you can find yourself in with him, why he is dangerous, and most importantly, how to spot and avoid him. It also gives an initial background to the Fallback Girl, emotional unavailability in general, and commitment-phobia.

It Feels Good To Be Loved

One of the biggest things that I can say about love and relationships is that being in a good relationship shouldn't feel bad. I think that we are inclined to throw ourselves into relationships that devalue us in the name of security because some of us feel far happier being part of a couple than we do being single. Some of us have no idea what love is and attribute the feeling to drama, baggage, unavailability, jumping through hoops.

Think back to your past relationships and separate yourself from him and think about how you felt around him and away from him. Own it and ask yourself how you felt rather than focusing solely on how you think he made you feel.

When I think back to past relationships, it could be the distance which gives you objectivity and 20:20 vision but I recognise that I was anything but in love and I felt uneasy, unhappy, insecure, uncertain and many negative feelings. Yeah I had my moments, periods of feeling happy but it was fleeting when I think about it in the cold light of day and it stemmed from dependency that gets generated when we place more value on being in a relationship, even a semblance of one, and not enough on the QUALITY of the relationship.

True, healthy, respectful relationships aren't made up of so much negativity. They don't make you feel like sh*t about yourself. You shouldn't be perpetually insecure. You should feel happy and comfortable in the relationship. You should feel good.

We are inclined to feel good about about bad situations. We feel good and loved despite very clear unavailability and very apparent lack of good care from the men that we engage in relationships with and we have to stop accepting the crumbs that get thrown at us by these men.

Pay attention to how you feel around a guy - it will tell you a lot about your relationship. Obviously if you're of the paranoid persuasion it will be more difficult to guage, but as a general rule of thumb, falling in healthy love and engaging in a healthy, happy, loving relationship means that at some point you can't help but let go of whatever past negativity's that you may be holding onto as you'll embrace it. And of course, be happy regardless of the presence of a man in your life because you will feel the difference if you're not in the right relationship. It will feel better to be on your own... My new eBook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl is now available to buy as an instant download. Find out more.

Seeing What You Want to See

In any relationship there are 4 perceptions or views of the relationship:

How YOU see things

How HE sees things

How YOUR FRIENDS see things

The reality

Your friends and the reality are often closer in views than your own or his. Often outsiders who know you well can see him or the relationship for what it is, although this is on the basis that the people in question are trusted friends whose opinions you value. Normally...

The very premise of being with a Mr Unavailable succeeds on the basis that you focus on the wonderful things about him or project your view of the future. This is a rather distorted view. When we habitually make excuses for their behaviour, things distort and skew because we don't like to face the reality as this throws the spotlight back to ourselves and also puts us in the position of having to accept that the 'relationship' is going nowhere.

I say 'relationship' because the reality is that with one side being emotionally unavailable, it's the woman that thinks that they have a 'relationship' despite the fact that he's only throwing her an occasional crumb.....

Relationships, like communication are two-way.

He sees himself and his actions in the best possible light. This is a common trait with many men where their image of themselves and their actions can be rationalised to the point where they don't see anything wrong. This is where they have an advantage as they can often have disproportionate ego's which women could sometimes do with having..... They won't see anything bad in their actions as the very act of, for instance, being there physically, even if it's on an ad hoc basis for them' means that they're there. They don't actually SEE themselves as emotionally unavailable and glorify things in their mind.

Seeing the reality often grows in line with our self-esteems and a true desire to actually not want to engage with Mr Unavailable's. When we stop making excuses, when we start listening to our gut and when we stop being so accepting, rose tinted glasses get replaced with 20:20 vision.

My new eBook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl is now available to buy as an instant download. Find out more.