Mr Unavailable - A guide to avoiding emotionally, physically and spiritually unavailable men

Breaking the pattern

From Serendipity

What is it about certain women that makes us fall repeatedly for the same type of man? Mr Bastard, Mr Unavailable, Mr Workaholic, Mr. Fuckwit. I think we've all made the mistake at least once. But when is it that we can genuinely say that we are stuck in a rut?

 

I don't think it's about counting the number of failed relationships, merely looking back over how ever many of them there have been and looking for the pattern. Trust me, there will be one!

 

In my case, I always seem to choose men about whom I want to change something. First there was the bad boy who liked to smack me around - well it's fairly obvious what I wanted to change there! Of course I didn't know he was abusive when I started to see him, but I did know he was aggressive and a total womaniser. I failed miserably and my next serious relationship was all about rebuilding my self esteem. I dated a guy who was about as tough as a wet paper bag, and a total coward! Talk about extremes. Looking back though I know I tried to change him, tried to make him more of what I thought a man should be.

I've fallen in love with married men, mummy's boys, workaholics, lazy layabouts, commitment-phobe's, womanisers and even a foreigner! Each one of them was wrong for me in a different way, but every one had something about them I wanted to change.

 

I see a lot of women around me getting involved in highly inappropriate office romances, often with their boss (yes I've done that too!) and it all ends in tears. Strangely the tears never seem to be gracing the Clinique moisturised cheeks of the resident office playboy - just his latest plaything.

 

 What makes us susceptible to the profound and ridiculous stories these men will tell us just to get into our knickers? As I get older I wonder if perhaps it's the pressure applied by the media (and in my case my mother) to find a man and settle down to provide grandchildren.

I was flicking through magazines at a local newsagents in my lunch hour last week and I saw an article that just screamed at me "Single and 30? - Do something about it!" Hmm, no wonder I feel pressured. Then there was another that said "I lost 30 pounds and gained a husband"  Ahh, if only I'd known that just being thinner was the key to wedded bliss.

 

Isn't it time we recognised our own relationship patterns? Being single is nothing to be ashamed of, it certainly beats being in a relationship where you are second best to everything else in his life. I'm no longer prepared to accept the scraps that these losers are happy to throw me, if I can't have the best (which we all deserve) then I'll stay single, and happy!!

About the author: I'm a single 30 year old living in Nottingham. I recently dyed my hair blonde (albeit a dark blonde) in a vain attempt to inject more fun into my life, either that or subscribe even more closely to the Bridget Jones-esqe life that I lead. I work as a credit analyst which bores me rigid, but it pays the bills. I have lousy rotten luck with men, and I'm still hoping for my Mr. Darcy. I think there's a good chance I watch too many chick flicks since I'm starting to lose faith in the existence of a decent man. I have a mildly serious case of handbag addiction and I'm a typical Virgo - I like things clean and neat. Visit my blog

NML's new eBook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl is now available to buy as an instant download. Find out more.

Questions to ask yourself

• Have you ever dated someone who already has a girlfriend?
• Have you ever dated a married man?
• Would you, or have you, dated someone who was separated?
• Would you date a guy that keeps his online dating profile 'active'?
• If he told you that he was dating other women, would you ask no questions and continue to date him?
• Even if you did ask him questions about the women he was dating, would you still date him?
• Have you dated a guy that still lives with his ex but says that there is nothing between them?
• Have you dated a guy that still lives with his ex and shares a bed with her, but says he wants to be with you?
• Have you ever been involved with a man that claims to be in a long distance relationship with someone he hardly sees?
• Would you still date a guy who clearly still seemed to have issues with his ex, possibly obsessed with her and talks about her quite a lot?
• Would you date a guy that won't discuss his living situation?
• Would you date a guy that doesn't want you to call him?
• Would you date a guy that could only see you during the week?
• Would you consider going out with a guy who wanted to have an ‘open’ relationship?
• Would you date a guy that only corresponds by text message or has a 'Don't call me, I'll call you' policy?

It’s safe to say that if you have answered yes to even one of these questions, you are dating/being in relationships with Mr Unavailable’s. It’s also safe to say that there may be some questions that flagged up issues that you may not have even regarded as being Mr Unavailable behaviour.

Look over the questions above, and even write down the names of the guys against each question so that it becomes something unavoidable. Looking at the answers to your questions and remembering how you felt whilst you were with these guys, it's very likely, unless you are made of stone or are completely oblivious to what is taking place around you, that you more than likely didn't feel that great. It's actually very likely that you felt damn awful. Well remember that so you don't go down the same road again! Love and relationships is not supposed to be like this!

My new eBook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl is now available to buy as an instant download. Find out more.